Blomba the Teersneck Hunter (Part One)
Blomba was a Teersneck Hunter. He hunted Flobbledobbs. Each morning, when the sun kinda sorta rose, he did shave his toenail and then set out in search of a Flobbledobb to hunt. Flobbledobbs are very bananaful, thus they evade capture about 105% of the time, but Blomba was determined to eat one - for, you see, a particularly bananaful Flobbledobb did devour his home and family when he was a wee Snarvle of the age of three. Blomba wanted revenge! Also, he was hungry - but mostly he wanted revenge.
The Designated Frolicking-Free Area was strangely deserted for Do Something Other Than Frolick Day, but Blomba lay in wait on the edge. He had a feeling, which, as it turns out, was mostly hunger, that he mistook for hunter's instinct, when really it was just his stomach screaming at his brain for yummy stuff. But Blomba was too stupid/hungry to distinguish between the two very different feelings, so it was no surprise when a Giant Taco very nearly took his head off as it crashed into the ground nearby. Blomba found himself caught in the middle of a Taco Storm!
After briefly wondering why he was even looking for himself, Blomba panicked. Then, he calmed down. Then, he panicked again, but this time, he panicked with a vengeance. His panicking was so swift and so furious, that he exploded. After fixing himself (minus his nose - it spontaneously combusted upon touching the ground) Blomba formulated a plan. It was a very bad plan, and resulted in Blomba losing two eyebrows and a fingernail, but he did escape the Giant Tacos' fury, so the Elder Hypermole gave him a thumbs-up and two pickles.
"What you do with these pickles is up to you, and only you," the Elder Hypermole told Blomba, "But if I were you, I would probably use them to vanquish a Flobbledobb. I mean, you don't have to, but I'm just saying that, you know, if you really wanted to, you probably could use these to--" But at this point, Blomba had already devoured both pickles, as well as the Elder Hypermole's fried chicken dinner and two of the Elder's toenails. The Elder, outraged at this display of bananafulness, had Blomba taken to the dungeon.
Blomba politely asked the guard escorting him to stop tickling him, but the guard kept going. Blomba made a mental note to blow up said guard's eyebrows when he got a chance. As the guard fumbled with the lock on the cell where Blomba was to be kept, the castle shook with great shookiness. The castle found itself caught in the middle of a Taco Storm! As the guard wondered why the castle was even looking for itself, Blomba did escape his tickly grasp. Blomba frolicked through the crumbling halls, a blatant show of disrespect towards the Elder Hypermole, who had come up with Do Something Other Than Frolick Day -- all by himself!
The exit was in sight and Blomba frolicked faster, but at that moment the floor underneath the Teersneck Hunter did explode, and Blomba did fall into the chasm left in its place. Further and further into the darkness Blomba did tumble, and though he did puncture several of his livers on the way down, there seemed to be no end in sight. Suddenly, the end was in sight! After puncturing only three more livers on the sharp rocks jutting out from the sides of the pit, Blomba went splat on the ground below.
**********
Meanwhile, far, far away, Frommklib did scheme bananafully. He scribbled furiously on a toenail at his desk as he thought, and still no plan seemed adequate enough to destroy Blomba the Teersneck Hunter. News of this Snarvle's bananafulness had already spread to the far ends of the kingdom, and Frommklib decided he was a problem. And Frommklib always took care of problems. But he'd need to call in some help for this one. Ripping off a fresh toenail, Frommklib began writing out a letter.
"Legendary Uym Grok,
I have a business proposal for you..."
**********
When Blomba came to, he could not feel his spleen. He also could not see a thing. Wherever the Snarvle was, it was as dark as a goat's liver. A really dark goat's liver. Like, pitch black. It was kind of creepy. Lighting his earlobe on fire for some light, the Teersneck Hunter did observe his surroundings. He appeared to be in some sort of cave underneath the castle. At least, that's where the sign on the wall said he was. Blomba had learned to never trust signs, for one once ate his ninja. That was a very yummy sign.
Regaining his bananafulness, Blomba devised a plan to escape the cavern. This plan involved two pigs, a tuna casserole, and eighty-five pounds of salted peanuts. Unfortunately, Blomba had none of these things. The Snarvle started to panic. He panicked with such force that the walls exploded. Light poured in through the holes where the walls once were, and Blomba did merrily frolic out of the cavern. Behind him, the Elder Hypermole's castle lay in ruins. The Teersneck Hunter did continue on ahead, when suddenly a very angry-looking Uym blocked his path.
"Blomba the Teersneck Hunter!" the Uym shouted. Blomba recognized him - it was the most famous Uym of all -- Legendary Uym Grok! Blomba collapsed to the ground, not able to believe that such a bananaful Uym would honor him with his presence. Upon awakening, Blomba did pester the Legendary Uym for an autograph. He quickly made plans to sell it on Ye Olde Ebay and make loads of money. "No, I will not give you an autograph!" shouted the Uym. "I was sent here to vanquish you, not to be the charming Uym that I am!"
But after further pestering, Blomba got the Legendary Uym to sign a magic harpsichord. It was very bananaful. The harpsichord, I mean. Well, I guess the autograph was bananaful too. Either one. Take your pick. "Now I shall slice you up into millions of tiny little pieces!" said the Uym. Blomba panicked. Then, he exploded. Then he panicked again, but this time as millions of tiny little pieces. Then, he pulled himself back together and panicked again. Grok lunged at the Teersneck Hunter with his trusty Uymsword, but was shoved back into a tree by what appeared to be an orange blur.
"Thank you, orange blur!" Blomba said.
"What are you, stupid?" said the orange blur, which then stopped moving and turned into a Piefox, "I'm a Piefox!" The Piefox then did devour the Legendary Uym Grok. Blomba nibbled on the Uym's toenail. It was quite bananaful. When the Snarvle and Piefox were done there, they returned to the Piefox's cave in the middle of the woods. It was there that the Piefox told the Teersneck Hunter his plan. He planned to steal all of the banana sandwiches in the Southern Banana Sandwich Supply, on the far edge of the kingdom, but he needed Blomba's help with gathering a force that could take on the Trundletrolls that guarded the Supply.
The Trundletroll listening outside relayed this back to his master, Frommklib.
--TO BE CONTINUED--
The Designated Frolicking-Free Area was strangely deserted for Do Something Other Than Frolick Day, but Blomba lay in wait on the edge. He had a feeling, which, as it turns out, was mostly hunger, that he mistook for hunter's instinct, when really it was just his stomach screaming at his brain for yummy stuff. But Blomba was too stupid/hungry to distinguish between the two very different feelings, so it was no surprise when a Giant Taco very nearly took his head off as it crashed into the ground nearby. Blomba found himself caught in the middle of a Taco Storm!
After briefly wondering why he was even looking for himself, Blomba panicked. Then, he calmed down. Then, he panicked again, but this time, he panicked with a vengeance. His panicking was so swift and so furious, that he exploded. After fixing himself (minus his nose - it spontaneously combusted upon touching the ground) Blomba formulated a plan. It was a very bad plan, and resulted in Blomba losing two eyebrows and a fingernail, but he did escape the Giant Tacos' fury, so the Elder Hypermole gave him a thumbs-up and two pickles.
"What you do with these pickles is up to you, and only you," the Elder Hypermole told Blomba, "But if I were you, I would probably use them to vanquish a Flobbledobb. I mean, you don't have to, but I'm just saying that, you know, if you really wanted to, you probably could use these to--" But at this point, Blomba had already devoured both pickles, as well as the Elder Hypermole's fried chicken dinner and two of the Elder's toenails. The Elder, outraged at this display of bananafulness, had Blomba taken to the dungeon.
Blomba politely asked the guard escorting him to stop tickling him, but the guard kept going. Blomba made a mental note to blow up said guard's eyebrows when he got a chance. As the guard fumbled with the lock on the cell where Blomba was to be kept, the castle shook with great shookiness. The castle found itself caught in the middle of a Taco Storm! As the guard wondered why the castle was even looking for itself, Blomba did escape his tickly grasp. Blomba frolicked through the crumbling halls, a blatant show of disrespect towards the Elder Hypermole, who had come up with Do Something Other Than Frolick Day -- all by himself!
The exit was in sight and Blomba frolicked faster, but at that moment the floor underneath the Teersneck Hunter did explode, and Blomba did fall into the chasm left in its place. Further and further into the darkness Blomba did tumble, and though he did puncture several of his livers on the way down, there seemed to be no end in sight. Suddenly, the end was in sight! After puncturing only three more livers on the sharp rocks jutting out from the sides of the pit, Blomba went splat on the ground below.
**********
Meanwhile, far, far away, Frommklib did scheme bananafully. He scribbled furiously on a toenail at his desk as he thought, and still no plan seemed adequate enough to destroy Blomba the Teersneck Hunter. News of this Snarvle's bananafulness had already spread to the far ends of the kingdom, and Frommklib decided he was a problem. And Frommklib always took care of problems. But he'd need to call in some help for this one. Ripping off a fresh toenail, Frommklib began writing out a letter.
"Legendary Uym Grok,
I have a business proposal for you..."
**********
When Blomba came to, he could not feel his spleen. He also could not see a thing. Wherever the Snarvle was, it was as dark as a goat's liver. A really dark goat's liver. Like, pitch black. It was kind of creepy. Lighting his earlobe on fire for some light, the Teersneck Hunter did observe his surroundings. He appeared to be in some sort of cave underneath the castle. At least, that's where the sign on the wall said he was. Blomba had learned to never trust signs, for one once ate his ninja. That was a very yummy sign.
Regaining his bananafulness, Blomba devised a plan to escape the cavern. This plan involved two pigs, a tuna casserole, and eighty-five pounds of salted peanuts. Unfortunately, Blomba had none of these things. The Snarvle started to panic. He panicked with such force that the walls exploded. Light poured in through the holes where the walls once were, and Blomba did merrily frolic out of the cavern. Behind him, the Elder Hypermole's castle lay in ruins. The Teersneck Hunter did continue on ahead, when suddenly a very angry-looking Uym blocked his path.
"Blomba the Teersneck Hunter!" the Uym shouted. Blomba recognized him - it was the most famous Uym of all -- Legendary Uym Grok! Blomba collapsed to the ground, not able to believe that such a bananaful Uym would honor him with his presence. Upon awakening, Blomba did pester the Legendary Uym for an autograph. He quickly made plans to sell it on Ye Olde Ebay and make loads of money. "No, I will not give you an autograph!" shouted the Uym. "I was sent here to vanquish you, not to be the charming Uym that I am!"
But after further pestering, Blomba got the Legendary Uym to sign a magic harpsichord. It was very bananaful. The harpsichord, I mean. Well, I guess the autograph was bananaful too. Either one. Take your pick. "Now I shall slice you up into millions of tiny little pieces!" said the Uym. Blomba panicked. Then, he exploded. Then he panicked again, but this time as millions of tiny little pieces. Then, he pulled himself back together and panicked again. Grok lunged at the Teersneck Hunter with his trusty Uymsword, but was shoved back into a tree by what appeared to be an orange blur.
"Thank you, orange blur!" Blomba said.
"What are you, stupid?" said the orange blur, which then stopped moving and turned into a Piefox, "I'm a Piefox!" The Piefox then did devour the Legendary Uym Grok. Blomba nibbled on the Uym's toenail. It was quite bananaful. When the Snarvle and Piefox were done there, they returned to the Piefox's cave in the middle of the woods. It was there that the Piefox told the Teersneck Hunter his plan. He planned to steal all of the banana sandwiches in the Southern Banana Sandwich Supply, on the far edge of the kingdom, but he needed Blomba's help with gathering a force that could take on the Trundletrolls that guarded the Supply.
The Trundletroll listening outside relayed this back to his master, Frommklib.
--TO BE CONTINUED--
posted by Squiggle D at 6:02 PM
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