The Midget, the Mayor, and That There Town Over There

Since the beginning of time, there has always lurked a creature beneath Keckle Lake, waiting for a midget with three eyeballs and a unicycle to awaken it. The midget was named Heffinstomp, and, unfortunately, he was a silly toaster oven. This toaster oven made an excellently bananaful taco out of a toothpick, two semicolons, and three yards of rope. Nothing pickled aardvarks like a can-opener, and the silly toaster oven was like a truffle when it came to pickling aardvarks like a can-opener. It was all very confusing, and many people hated the poor, silly toaster oven for it. This is why, one day, the silly toaster oven decided to transform into a three-eyed midget with a unicycle.

"Never again shall the tacos be cooked in me!" cried the silly toaster oven as he devoured the magical omelette that transformed him into a vertically-challenged circus freak.

"That there transforming toaster oven," said the mayor of That There Town Over There, "is the most bananafullest toaster oven I ever did pickle with a tuna fish."

The tuna fish was sparkly, and the inhabitants of Ftooey Island used to worship it, believing it to be the sparkly god, Three Bean Casserole Man. However, one day, the mayor of That There Town Over There, whose name was The Mayor of That There Town Over There, during a visit to Ftooey Island, did say to the natives:

"My head comes with a free biscuit!"

The natives immediately exploded, leaving the mayor to steal the sparkly tuna fish, though the mayor's bananafulness did incite the wrath of Three Bean Casserole Man, who flew down from the heavens on his Golden Chariot of Doom (TM), led by eight magical flying gorillas - Doofus, Doorknob, Nancy, Elbow, Ketchup, Mutated Salami, Disco, and Vin Diesel, all led by the magically bananaful gorilla, Randolph P. Guadalupe, whose ostentatiously glowing bling-bling did lead the fanciful chariot through the thick black night and down to the ground, where Three Bean Casserole Man, seething with anger, ready to explodenate anything or anyone that crossed his path, did trundle onward towards the mayor, slowly and bananafully, until finally,

"You j... j... jerk!" weeped Three Bean Casserole Man, who then kicked the mayor in the shin and quickly flew back into the sky.

The three-eyed midget named Heffinstomp did unicycle his way to the Designated Frolicking Area, but was immediately fined for frolicking with a moving vehicle on a Thursday.

"Now what do I do?" Heffinstomp asked a nearby muffin, though the response came in the form of a long, drawn-out groan, as the muffin in question had been working hard all day and just wanted to sit on the couch and watch some TV. Heffinstomp, dissatisfied with the groan, did devour the exhausted muffin.

"Next time, groan in E flat, you exhausted muffin!"

Whilst digesting this tone-deaf muffin, Heffinstomp did trundle aimlessly in search of a new home. Preferably, this new home would have TiVo and a shower that didn't cry for help every time he undressed inside of it, though Heffinstomp realized he was in no position to be picky.

Trundling through the Bundlewood Forest, the midget with three eyeballs did happen across a small cottage 'twixt the Great Oaken Bundlewood trees.

"Gee, I wonder who lives here," mused Heffinstomp, who then set fire to the cottage in order to find out.

An oversized jar of foot powder then did tumble out of the burning house. "Excuse me, kind circus freak, but may I ask why you felt it necessary to burn down my home?" asked the foot powder.

"Because he's insane!" cried the tone-deaf muffin from within Heffinstomp's belly.

"Yes, because I'm insane," agreed Heffinstomp.

"Oh," said the foot powder, "Okay, then."

Heffinstomp then devoured the jar of foot powder and continued on his way.

Meanwhile, inside the three-eyed midget, the muffin and the foot powder were becoming fast friends. They discovered that they both enjoyed bacon, and they played a few rounds of tennis.

"Say," said the foot powder to the muffin, "what sort of midget devours muffins and foot powder? I thought midgets were allergic to both."

"Hey," said the muffin to the foot powder, "I think you're right. Maybe he's not really a midget?"

"Say," said the foot powder to the muffin, "we should investigate, and see if we have been deceived."

"Deceived," said the muffin to the foot powder, "like the Aardvark of Destiny (TM) deceived my people many moons ago. You see..."

"Shut up," said the foot powder, who had no patience for long, boring stories, "I have no patience for long, boring stories."

As the muffin and foot powder investigated inside Heffinstomp's belly, the three-eyed midget was in a bit of a jam. You see, apparently the Plingninganocht tribe of the Keckle Lake area did not like being burped at. Unfortunately, Heffinstomp very much enjoyed burping at people, and did so as often as possible. That, however, has nothing to do with the jam he was in.

The fact that he was about to be decapitated by a particularly angry Three Bean Casserole Man, on the other hand, has everything to do with the jam he was in. You see, Heffinstomp very much enjoyed the presence of his head at the top of his neck. It sort of completed his look, and he was really planning on keeping it. I mean, I don't know what Heffinstomp did to incite Three Bean Casserole Man's wrath, but, geez, it must have been pretty bad.

As Heffinstomp prepared to become all headless and stuff, deep inside his belly, the muffin and foot powder discovered a button labeled "Explodenate Three Bean Casserole Man."

"Hm..." said the foot powder.

"Hm..." said the muffin, in a rather pleasing E flat.

Three Bean Casserole Man lifted his Holy Hatchet of Doom and Splatting (TM), then promptly explodenated.

"... Spiffy," said Heffinstomp, who then continued to trundle along on his unicycle.

The Ykuajreehöver

The Ykuajreehöver often longed for a pretzel. Then its nostril explodenated. Something occurred as a result of this, though nobody's really sure what it was.

"Remember when that Ykuajreehöver fellow's nostril explodenated?" inquired a mildly bananaful Lyurkjjz.

"Ah, yes, that was a muffin," Ñaagyrkliboppen responded with a slight tootling of his toes.

"Lemon-flavored ostentation," agreed Borb.

The three Tymplarkens were presently frolicking about the Designated Frolicking Area, though it wasn't long before an evil stench descended upon this frolickingest of Frolicking Areas. Everybody enjoyed the stench thoroughly.

"I really hate that stench," muttered Lyurkjjz.

"Yes, I agree," agreed a biscuit-flavored Borb.

"¿¡A que hora es la fecha de la mañana!?" Ñaagyrkliboppen cried, seconds before exploding in a stenchy blaze.

Twenty pickles later, a tuba made itself a sandwich. That's not really important to the story, but I just thought I'd mention it.

"Run for your tubas!" cried a melting Ximpoklimang, who then began to melt at a rate faster than that which he had previously been melting at. It really doesn't matter too much, for before he had a chance to finish melting, twenty Giant Tacos attacked the very spot in which he was melting, rendering his meltiness unmeltified.

"It stinks of cabbages and horrible things, roast beef!" shouted that rock over there. No, not that one. That one, over there. See it? Yeah... That one.

That rock over there (no, the other one) then mutilated an idea. He found, however, that this idea was intangible, and the resulting paradox exploded his brain. Then it devoured his toenails.

"Hooray!" cried the Hypermole, who hated ideas.

"Hooray!" shouted the Poplonkinographicaniker, who despised toenails.

"Hooray!" rejoiced the evil stench, who, apparently, was not too fond of either.

"Bubblegum is a toothpick! Did that evil stench just rejoice!?" cried Lyurkjjz.

"I was not aware that evil stenches had shoelaces," admitted Borb. "But now I know."

A Giant Taco ate his own toenails, then threw a Hypermole at Borb. The Hypermole exploded when it hit him, and the world was destroyed three and a half times.

"I AM A TISSUE," said the evil stench.

"No, you are not!" cried Educated Expert Man. "You are an evil stench! I should know. I pickle sandwiches with my mind."

"He does have a point," said the Tymplarken whose name happened to be Lyurkjjz. Unless it wasn't, in which case, his name wouldn't have been Lyurkjjz, would it? But I digress.

"Toenails!" cried Mystery Door.

"Yes, that's very nice about your toenails," said the evil stench, "but my ostentatious gumdrops are more important than a salty aardvark."

"What's an aardvark?" asked Quintus.

"Who's Quintus?" asked Lyurkjjz.

"The inside tastes just like an Oreo!" cried someone, somewhere.

"Listen, evil stench man dude-thing. I don't know who you are or what you want, but please stop eating my toe," said Borb.

"Oh, sorry." The evil stench stopped devouring Borb's toe.

"Thank you for-" Borb exploded.

"You are a cupcake!" cried a cupcake.

"Actually, he's an evil stench," said Educated Expert Man. "I should know, for my eyeglasses are tickled by elongated spleens."

"Actually, my name is Celine Dion," said the evil stench. "I was just wondering if I could borrow some talent."

"Oh..." said Lyurkjjz. "No. No, you cannot."

"Dunderfooted oscillations!" cried the evil stench. "I suppose I'll just have to devour your face."

The evil stench lunged at Lyurkjjz, but suddenly exploded for no good reason. I suppose these things happen.