The Toaster Oven Cycle
"Wobble!" Frank commanded of the toaster oven, which promptly obeyed. Frank smiled, for he had just bananafied his first applesauce cupcake. This was cause for celebration, with many horseshoes and tomatoes! Frank, the lonely Cactusaur, did dial the phones of his many friends, and all three even answered!
"You really did it?" questioned an unbelieving Flobblebob.
"You finally completed the task?" queried an amazed Hobblegeorge.
"Why is my toe bleeding?" mused a pained Flimbletoom.
Indeed, Flimbletoom's toe was bleeding, and it was at that moment that Frank cried, for he knew explodenation would soon follow. Then, he stopped crying. He knew what he had to do.
"Wobble onto toe!" Frank commanded of the toaster oven, which promptly obeyed. Frank smiled, for the toaster oven absorbed most of the explosion, causing Frank to lose only eighty-seven limbs, two toenails, three eyelids, five hairs, and a pet Hypermole.
The toaster oven, whose name was not Happy Happy Harry, was not quite so lucky. All of its toenails were blown clear off, and it would never, ever be the same again. Its wife left it and took their three children. It spent the rest of its days in a motel off the Super-Dimensional Magical Freeway-ma-bob, devouring fried carrots and pickles until the day he exploded for good, shortly after he was diagnosed with terminal Flummfideosis.
The toaster oven's doctor, Lorrrbletongsnat (Tong, for short), hated when he had to tell his patients that they were terminal Flummfideosis positive. Usually, his patients exploded when they heard the news. But some of them just got depressed and started knitting television sets out of Flobblebarf hairs. 'Twas a sad, sad sight, and Tong set out to stop it forevermore! He planned to seek out the source of the disease, then call it names until it blew up.
Tong arrived at Keckle Lake and looked into the water. A Flinglesnopp leaped out and bit his head off.
"Oh no!" Tong cried. "My head has been bitten off!" It was only several hours after that Tong regained the strength to once again set out to find the source of the disease of doom, destruction and destiny.
This, however, turned out to be a really stupid idea. Because Tong hadn't a head, he had no eyes and could not see where he was going. He wandered in exactly the wrong direction, and instead ended up at a rickety bridge over a dangerous, fast-moving river. A Zarbonoquid stood in front of it, guarding this bridge over troubled water.
"YOU MUST ANSWER ME THESE QUESTIONS THREE--" started the Zarbonoquid, but he stopped short when Tong randomly walked right into the river, for he could not see it, for he had no head. Tong was carried off by the rapids, and was never seen again.
The Zarbonoquid sighed. Nobody ever let him finish his speech. HE thought it was pretty funny. Incidentally, the Zarbonoquid's name was was Stevenomonon. Stevenomonon had had enough of guarding that stupid bridge (No, really - it had an IQ of about 33! That was one DUMB bridge). Stevenomonon set out to find a new job elsewhere.
He wandered off until he reached the Designated Frolicking Area, where he did frolic and frolic about for a few minutes, when he was suddenly fined for frolicking over negative twenty-two miles-per-minute on a Thursday. He refused to pay the fine within point-two seconds, and thus was vaporized by a Plingtonvar named Thum.
Thum was a very troubled Plingtonvar, and wanted desperately to enslave a watermelon. However, whenever Thum found a watermelon, it always transformed into a Fiery Trenchcoat of Destiny (TM) and he was back to quadrilateral one.
But not this day. This day, Thum was going to enslave himself a watermelon, and nothing could stop him! NOTHING! Suddenly, something stopped him. He picked it up and examined it. It was a tiny statue of a hinge, and Thum decided that it would be his lucky charm from that day forward. He slipped it into his earlobe for safekeeping and continued on.
He traveled a great distance, and frolicked a great many times. And that was just to get out of his home. Then, the real journey began. He trundled onward (with the help of a friendly Trundletroll) to Keckle Lake. It was here that he found a watermelon.
"I MUST enslave that watermelon!" Thum told himself.
The Plingtonvar attacked the watermelon and tackled it to the ground. He finally had caught a watermelon, and was ready to enslave it, when suddenly, the watermelon touched the hinge statue, tucked away in Thum's earlobe.
"OH NO!!!" Thum cried as he transformed into a toaster oven.
Thum sat there in the grass for hours and hours, until he was finally brought home by a lonely Cactusaur, who had just bananafied his first applesauce cupcake.
"Wobble!" Frank commanded of the toaster oven, which promptly obeyed.
"You really did it?" questioned an unbelieving Flobblebob.
"You finally completed the task?" queried an amazed Hobblegeorge.
"Why is my toe bleeding?" mused a pained Flimbletoom.
Indeed, Flimbletoom's toe was bleeding, and it was at that moment that Frank cried, for he knew explodenation would soon follow. Then, he stopped crying. He knew what he had to do.
"Wobble onto toe!" Frank commanded of the toaster oven, which promptly obeyed. Frank smiled, for the toaster oven absorbed most of the explosion, causing Frank to lose only eighty-seven limbs, two toenails, three eyelids, five hairs, and a pet Hypermole.
The toaster oven, whose name was not Happy Happy Harry, was not quite so lucky. All of its toenails were blown clear off, and it would never, ever be the same again. Its wife left it and took their three children. It spent the rest of its days in a motel off the Super-Dimensional Magical Freeway-ma-bob, devouring fried carrots and pickles until the day he exploded for good, shortly after he was diagnosed with terminal Flummfideosis.
The toaster oven's doctor, Lorrrbletongsnat (Tong, for short), hated when he had to tell his patients that they were terminal Flummfideosis positive. Usually, his patients exploded when they heard the news. But some of them just got depressed and started knitting television sets out of Flobblebarf hairs. 'Twas a sad, sad sight, and Tong set out to stop it forevermore! He planned to seek out the source of the disease, then call it names until it blew up.
Tong arrived at Keckle Lake and looked into the water. A Flinglesnopp leaped out and bit his head off.
"Oh no!" Tong cried. "My head has been bitten off!" It was only several hours after that Tong regained the strength to once again set out to find the source of the disease of doom, destruction and destiny.
This, however, turned out to be a really stupid idea. Because Tong hadn't a head, he had no eyes and could not see where he was going. He wandered in exactly the wrong direction, and instead ended up at a rickety bridge over a dangerous, fast-moving river. A Zarbonoquid stood in front of it, guarding this bridge over troubled water.
"YOU MUST ANSWER ME THESE QUESTIONS THREE--" started the Zarbonoquid, but he stopped short when Tong randomly walked right into the river, for he could not see it, for he had no head. Tong was carried off by the rapids, and was never seen again.
The Zarbonoquid sighed. Nobody ever let him finish his speech. HE thought it was pretty funny. Incidentally, the Zarbonoquid's name was was Stevenomonon. Stevenomonon had had enough of guarding that stupid bridge (No, really - it had an IQ of about 33! That was one DUMB bridge). Stevenomonon set out to find a new job elsewhere.
He wandered off until he reached the Designated Frolicking Area, where he did frolic and frolic about for a few minutes, when he was suddenly fined for frolicking over negative twenty-two miles-per-minute on a Thursday. He refused to pay the fine within point-two seconds, and thus was vaporized by a Plingtonvar named Thum.
Thum was a very troubled Plingtonvar, and wanted desperately to enslave a watermelon. However, whenever Thum found a watermelon, it always transformed into a Fiery Trenchcoat of Destiny (TM) and he was back to quadrilateral one.
But not this day. This day, Thum was going to enslave himself a watermelon, and nothing could stop him! NOTHING! Suddenly, something stopped him. He picked it up and examined it. It was a tiny statue of a hinge, and Thum decided that it would be his lucky charm from that day forward. He slipped it into his earlobe for safekeeping and continued on.
He traveled a great distance, and frolicked a great many times. And that was just to get out of his home. Then, the real journey began. He trundled onward (with the help of a friendly Trundletroll) to Keckle Lake. It was here that he found a watermelon.
"I MUST enslave that watermelon!" Thum told himself.
The Plingtonvar attacked the watermelon and tackled it to the ground. He finally had caught a watermelon, and was ready to enslave it, when suddenly, the watermelon touched the hinge statue, tucked away in Thum's earlobe.
"OH NO!!!" Thum cried as he transformed into a toaster oven.
Thum sat there in the grass for hours and hours, until he was finally brought home by a lonely Cactusaur, who had just bananafied his first applesauce cupcake.
"Wobble!" Frank commanded of the toaster oven, which promptly obeyed.
posted by Squiggle D at 10:49 PM
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